Chick Fight?

In light of my World Serie hiatus, and my newly acquired illness, please welcome my first of a few guest posters, Jen (AKA frelle on Twitter) from Pursuing Harmony. Make her feel welcome!

Confession: I almost bitchslapped another mom

Have you ever had the cops called on you?

What was it for? Drunken and disorderly conduct? Streaking through campus during rush week? A loud fight with your cheating boyfriend?

See, that sounds perfectly understandable to me. I got the cops called on me at a community wide women's Bible Study

Truth is stranger than fiction, isn't it?

We had finished Bible Study for the day, and I had brought my 3 younger kids outside. There is an enclosed play area, and it has a play structure and wood chips underneath. I was not paying attention to if there were any other moms in the play area, or how many kids were in there, but coming in and out of the fenced in play area is something I have done after bible study for the last 3 years. I was comfortable with leaving them in there with me nearby, talking to another mom and making lunch plans.

My youngest, Teddy decides he is going to make a move to walk off the curved rock wall, which is at an opening about 3 1/2 feet off the ground. A mom I did not know was in there (on her cell phone), and was telling Teddy to stop. I looked over, and the mom starts yelling Whose child is this? Why aren't you in here with your baby? etc. She continues to harp, and I walk toward the fence, saying I'm his mother You know, you could have said that a nicer way because she was being a harpy about it. Maybe I needed the reminder to not be so far away, but she was not very nice about how she said it. I got nearer to her, and she continued to berate me. I thanked her for saving my child from certain death (I admit I was sarcastic), and she continued to blather on about my negligence.

I said thank you. I replied, trying to get across to her that I was done with this conversation. Then I left the play area.

She decided to announce to me and anyone else within hearing distance that she was going to go in and talk to the Children's Program director, because I clearly wasn't getting the point about my responsibility to my children. She brought the children's director outside and talked to both of us about my negligence. The director didn't have much to say about it. At this point, I was concerned that she might think I had just left my toddler in there, and I told her I had 3 kids in there. At that point, she became ugly.

Well maybe you have too many children to keep track of. Or maybe you think that if one gets brain damaged or killed you can just have another one.

Whoa. Hold up. Did she actually just say that??
I was surprised that all that came out of my mouth was I think your righteousness is just a bit too righteous for me today . In my head, I closed the area between us in about a stride and a half, and backhanded her while shouting obscenities.
But that would have been a poor choice in the Bible Study parking lot. Ah restraint. At least I had some, can't say the same for her. Since the children's director was not doing or saying anything to satisfy this lady, she announced that she was going to call the cops. And she did. Loudly.

It is one thing to be nasty because you don't like the way someone is parenting their kid. He was under verbal control, he was not in peril, he was in familiar territory with other familiar children.... I think going in and talking to the bible study kids director was taking it further than necessary.

But the cops? Really?

Several other moms were outside and in the playground area at this point, and had heard firsthand what was going on. They were shocked, and angry on my behalf. None of them were familiar with the crazy lady either. These moms all do the same things I do, come in and out of the area, by default watch each others kids, our kids all know each other and play there weekly. I reminded them to watch their kids closely lest this happen to them, and not without sarcasm and a look of utter outrage. As I walked my kids over to our van to wait for the cops, my older two were very concerned about the lady calling the cops. My older one was very defensive of my actions, and my middle one cried because she was afraid I was going to get taken to jail.
I waited for the cops. And fumed. And shot daggers at the crazy lady. And fumed some more. And tried to reassure my children that I had done nothing wrong, and that the lady who called the cops was not a nice lady. In a matter of about 15 minutes, the police showed up.

Two female officer approached and spoke to the crazy lady.

And then... she lied to them. AUGH!

Again, in my head, I'm striding toward her, this time with the handle to the jack in my trunk, or an umbrella or some other object that will hush the nasty vitriole emanating from her.

Oh, I'm so glad you're here. She just kept yelling at me, I was concerned that she might hurt me. She told them that Teddy almost fell to his death off the 3 ft tall play structure (since she alone saved him. All hail the supermom).

And then, then she claimed that after she asked whose child Teddy was that I just started screaming at her. She was concerned that I might threaten her physically, she was worried about my children, and felt like she needed to call the cops for her own protection.

I seethed. I shot more daggers. In my head, I am pinning her neck with my knee against the brick retaining wall and shouting in her ear about how she is a lying, meddling whack job. In reality, I am calmly leaning back against my van, shaking my head listening to the amazing and untrue tale she is spinning.
They took her name and information. Which I memorized.

The officers approached me and asked my side of the story. I told what I remembered: that her tone of voice sucked when she called out to me, and that I spoke two sentences to her. They asked me if I came at her in anger, touched her, or verbally assaulted her with yelling or cursing. I said no. I asked if she was going to file a report and asked if I needed to prepare for a home visit. The officers told me that as far as they knew, this was it, but would call me if the lady went further with it. One of the officers said In this state, you are free to parent your child in any way you see fit. If you were satisfied with the level of supervision your child was getting from a distance, that is totally your business. I'm sure this is humiliating for the both of you to be involved in this. And I responded well, I seriously doubt that this woman has any idea that it is humiliating right now, but yeah.

The officer told me I was free to go.

The crazy lady clearly did not get the justice that she thought the situation deserved, so I was concerned that she would call Child Protective Services, since she knew my name. I was also concerned that that if she actually came back to Bible Study that she would continue to berate me or start spreading gossip. I was not sure of my ability to continue being gracious. Turns out she never came back. But I know who she is, and I know to look out for her.

I've never been so publicly accused and embarrassed in my life. Just goes to show you that no matter where you go, there are people who think the way you parent your kids is incorrect. Man, how about you screw up your kids your way, and I'll screw up my kids my way.

Is There Anybody Out There?

Confession: I'm a sports fan.

Okay, okay, that is an understatement. Now, I know sports are not for everyone. Hey, not all chicks dig sports. I get it. It's cool. And not to alienate my sports shunning sister-moms, but it's true. I love to watch and cheer my favorite teams to victory. Or defeat. I am the one who gets totally pissed when my husband or kids stand in front of the t.v. during a big game. I am the one who shirks off potential discussion on football Sundays. And I am the one who, during the 2009 World Series, is unable to put together any blog posts.

That is why I have friends. Awesome friends. Twitter friends. Blogging friends. And so, for the rest of this amazing World Series (which I hope will end in 3 more games with a Phillie's sweep), I will be having guest bloggers. I'm turning over the reigns; letting the inmates run the asylum. And if they are not funny, not convincing, not heartfelt enough for you, well- don't blame me, I'm off watching the game somewhere!

See you soon!

Race for Hope

Confession: I'm not half the mother, the person, that my grandmother was.

.... And if you knew her, even if you met her once, you know its true. She was THE best. And she loved me. And she died. On January 24th, 2004. Of a stage 4 Glioblastoma that none of us knew about until there was no hope. And I STILL can't even write about it. So, I'm not gonna. And I'll take the emails and the criticism about using my "mommyblog" to solicit money and participants for the Race For Hope. I'll put on my big girl panties and deal with it. Relevance? How about without her, I wouldn't be half the mother I am today! And probably wouldn't be the author of this blog, or anything else. So please, consider running, walking, or just sponsoring me, as I honor the woman who allowed this blog to be. Support 'Eleanors Angels' in the Philadelphia 5k Run/Walk on Sunday, November 1st. Follow the link below:
Race for Hope - Philadelphia:

You are all, the most wonderful and supportive readers. Thank you!

Preperation H(uh)?

Confession:
I have used hemorrhoid cream on my face!

Yes, I am back to posting the real true confessions that you love to hear. None of that sissy la-la stuff this week. Today, I confess to slathering hemorrhoid cream on my face, because, um, somebody told me it was a good idea. The things that we crazy, tired, overworked, moms won't do.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned to a friend that my eyes were really tired and puffy looking and that I hadn't been sleeping well (with 3 kids, who does?). I told her that I had so much luggage under my eyes that it looks as though I might be planning a trip to Spain. Then, that friend said to me, in a perfectly serious tone, "you should try putting hemorrhoid cream on them." Oooookkkkaaay. Excuse me? "Yes", she declared! Hemorrhoid cream works great on dark circles and under-eye puffiness. She told me that she uses it all the time. Declaring her a freak, I ignored her idea. Then within hours, not 1 but 2 other women confirmed her claim.

Naturally I was skeptical. So, I went to the most reliable source available when dealing with putting butt cream near your eyes, I Googled it. Boy was I surprised to see that this is a fairly well-known and common practice. Yes, it would seem, we've become so appearance obsessed in our society, that we will even resort to slathering our faces with ass cream in order to look "better" to others. And wouldn't you know, I was on my way to the store within the hour to pick me up a tube of the precious potion. I'm not too sure that it was the miracle lift that I was looking for. That, I fear, will take a whole team of plastic surgeons. But, I have to admit, my eyes felt a little firmer and tighter. And as soon as the blinding burning sensation stopped and I could see again, things were looking up. Needless to say, the cream has been put in the "rear" of the medicine cabinet, where it will likely remain, until someone actually has a doctor recommended use for it. But hey, I am nothing if not adventurous. And that is why you keep coming back, right? To read these true pearls of wisdom that I am here to share. When there's hard-hitting news to be blogged, I'm your woman.

Meanwhile with the new FTC guidelines for blogger disclosure and accountability coming out, now would probably be a good time to assure you that I do not endorse, nor do I recommend, any one particular ass cream. No ass cream paid me to write this. I have no vested interest in ass cream at all actually. No ass cream companies, to my knowledge, recommend using their products anywhere near your face. Neither do I. Unless you know, a trusted friend tells you it's a good idea. Then suuuuure, by all means, smear away. Just don't say I didn't warn ya!